My tales

... but sadly doesn't bounce back so much as squish when thrown...

Ha!

What I really wanted to talk about was grief - yeah, now you've stopped reading, I know...

Sadness
Loss
A hole inside you
Anger
Despair

Then what?

Is it acceptance?

A kit kat?

Right....

Urphhhhh 

I was sad it didn't work out

he called that a negative phone call the next day - well yeah dips*it

left him feeling down, what a joke

nothing to say after that

enjoy hurting me

I've had enough

he's pushing me away

I don't need it.

If he wanted me he had me.

... that I've had enough. I'm happy and I'm sad.

I wanted a fairy tale and didn't get it.

That's OK, I know.

I just wanted it to be simple. I don't deserve this.

I wish he could've been part of it. It's OK and it isn't.

Why don't things turn out how you hope them to? I'm not someone full of insecurity.

I don't doubt, I don't scrutinise. Why doesn't it work out?

I'm OK, but I just had a different door open, a door that could've led to other things. But it's closed, it's not enough, it's not what I want,

He just represented that door. A false door.

Why do I want someone to share my life with. Why can't I just not hurt and be myself and not need or want anyone.

It's OK.

I'm pretty tired, I think I mean a bit 'down' rather than tired, but doing OK... I really like Wellington, still,,, If only the rest would fall into place so well!! The job is good but I'm not learning anything new and I am a bit bored really...

It was really odd, I was going out with someone for 2 months and not only was it weird during the relationship, but it's the relief I felt when he broke up with me!! I obviously wasn't that into him... He was the most unfulfilling person emotionally and the most silent person about his feelings that I've ever gone out with. In hindsight things may have been different if we'd have been friends before we started seeing each other, his way of putting it when we broke up was 'you were too unsure of yourself' well of course I bloody was, I never felt I knew where I stood with him and if you don't say nice things like 'i think you're sexy / pretty / have the best eyes...' or even ' you make me feel hot / great / ..' blah blah etc etc then nothing can grow... What did he expect??? I said a few things that I felt - and I'm not normally the first to reveal my feelings - but it clearly didn't help! The sex was great though!!

Was and still am bit curious about an ad I saw in the local paper. It was for a high class escort where you choose the hours and the people... I won't do it. I think deep down it would end up making me feel worthless, or it would when I was down and I don't need any help feeling worse in that area!!

I feel like being a bit mysterious tonight. I just bought a new dress, black, with a sweeping neckline. I now have black hair too which looks good with a plum / wine red lipstick. I also have an invite to a new bar...

big time. effed off. eff eff eff, new zealand, bottom, fuck, nope to, knees, nope, bowl, chips, bug,